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Who Do You Love?

Is there anyone you love? Do you know what love is, what love feels like? In my world, to love authentically and deeply is to give completely with everything you are, your whole being, your heart and mind… and never ask for anything in return. Never ask the object of your love to give you something in return.

When you love something, say, chocolate or wine or a sunset, you trust that the feeling you get from the love of the object is as good as it gets, right? You don’t ask for more. When you hold a newborn baby, you love. You don’t ask that baby for something in return. You trust that the feeling you get from nurturing and loving is enough.

How did we come to lose our connection with what love is and turn it into something that it is not? How did we come to believe that we have a right to be angry with another … or that another owes us something like “good” behavior or adhering to our guidelines for success or loyalty or love or happiness? Why does a parent get angry with a child? Because they want their child to be or do something to fit into a particular pattern of what is acceptable to them, and the child rebels. When a child disapproves of the way they are treated, they revolt, rebel, sometimes violently. They have their own ideal of what they should be and through that ideal they wish to fulfill themselves.

Are you aware of your anger when someone in your world disappoints you? You are expecting something from them, a certain kind of treatment, and your expectation of them is not realized? You are depending on them for something – agreement, love, favors, whatever – and you are frustrated with them when your expectations don’t match the reality of the outcome… and your dependence breeds anger, perhaps even bitterness, causing conflict, separation, dissonance, disconnection.

Children know how to love, until they have been trained not to love. We know how to love even though we may have lost touch with what love is and what it really feels like to love.

If you are fortunate enough to share your life with a free child, one who is nurtured in a environment that allows him to love freely, watch him and learn how to love. Love is so easy and natural. A child so easily can show you with every cell of his being how easy this is. A child LOVES his mama and daddy and wants to share every waking moment with them when allowed to do so, he may love nothing but bananas for days on end, immersions into insects that seem to last way too long, baby dolls or imaginary friends, video games or building fires, scrambled eggs or dogs, hunting four leaf clovers or bird watching. A child so easily and rapturously immerses herself into what she loves, and her loves are changing, evolving, deepening or waning, all according to an internal timetable that only she has the conscious and unconscious wisdom about.

Experiment with love in the same way. What do you love right now? It doesn’t matter how small or silly or inconsequential or what others may think of your love. Love it and immerse yourself in that love. Allow yourself to feel what love feels like and watch where it leads you. Go there. Feel it again. Listen. Don’t pay attention to anyone else. Go where your love sends you.

8 Comments Post a comment
  1. Anne #

    This is hitting a cord with me but I can’t get past one thing. How do you not depend on your partner to do certain things? The idea of it sounds nice – loving unconditionally – but the reality is frustration and disappointment (like you say) when my expectations aren’t met with helping with kids, chores, whatever. How do I let go of this?

    March 16, 2012
    • The magic of genuine love takes care of this… ready to experiment? Allow yourself to immerse yourself in your own loves, allow yourself to feel how wonderful and rich and full that feels. Express your natural joy and contentment as you feel the excitement and positive feelings that result. As you begin to radiate your joy and satisfaction with what you love, others VERY NATURALLY want to be a part of that, they want to be with you, support you, encourage you because energetically everyone loves this feeling.

      Simple example: do you choose a sweet, fresh, juicy strawberry or one that is dry and shriveled with dark rotten spots? This is a rudimentary example, but a great analogy to all of life. (When we choose the shriveled we are doing so because we resonate with it or because we seek contrast, which gives us the opportunity to think and dissect and grow. When we resonate with it, we are trapped.)

      March 16, 2012
  2. Anne #

    All of this makes sense and I’ve experienced it. So thanks for the reminder. This might sound like a cop-out but finding time, with 2 small children, to do the things that fill me up so that I can radiate happiness is challenging. That’s when I start to depend on my partner and sometimes I am disappointed.

    March 16, 2012
    • Well, you know you love your kids, right? So how about just immersing yourself in loving them? In reality, you can’t immerse yourself in EVERYTHING you love at the same time anyway, no matter who you are, right?

      March 16, 2012
  3. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the word “expectations.” Love is natural and free, until we put expectations on it. Once we do that, we get attached to certain results or outcomes, and that hooks us in to only feeling loving or happy under certain conditions. I think it helps to work towards feeling loving and joyful no matter what is going on, no matter what others do or don’t do, no matter what they think of us. It’s like finding your love as a light inside, and letting it radiate outward. I don’t mean that it’s a magic pill and we’ll suddenly be happy all the time, but it’s a profound practice, to continue to return again and again to love, starting with love of self, and radiating outward from there. We are made of love, and we know that when we pause and seek it in our hearts.

    Blessings,
    Nikki

    March 16, 2012
    • I like what you say. We are made of love. I say eliminate those things and people in your life that don’t allow your love to grow and flourish. Could it be that simple? I know I have done this, not very simply, but I have benefitted enormously. I have found though, that it is entirely possible to both eliminate someone in my life and yet continue to wish them all the best things they too deserve. Together however we are not fostering love.

      March 17, 2012
  4. Pip #

    I am in tears after reading this, I have had a night of really questioning how things are at home with me and my kids and I was really seeking guidance as to how to shift things and here it is. So beautifully said and so simple. Thank you for sharing this today it was very very needed in this heart and this home. Bless you.

    March 17, 2012
    • it feels good to hear Pip. If you feel up to it, when you feel ready, share your story with us!

      March 17, 2012

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